Reflecting On Beijing (And Other Things)

Beijing, China

Most, if not all, of my friends have steady jobs and advancing careers. Many have homes, apartments, or condos. Almost all are in long-term relationships, married or engaged.

There are days when I want those things, there are days when I feel worried about my future and where I’ll be in a year, what I’ll be doing in a year. There are days when I am exhausted, tired of sleeping in different beds and never feeling a sense of permanency, tired of the ever-changing languages and even of the ever-changing skylines. My friends and family are spread across the planet, and my lifestyle means that I can rarely forge a relationship that I can say with certainty will be able to withstand the test of distance; there are days when I just want everyone I love within an hour’s drive. There are days when I miss routine. There are days when I can’t believe I’m still doing this after nearly five years, days when it all seems so difficult.

But those days? Those days are few and far between, which is why I’m simultaneously researching tours in India, plane tickets to Bangkok, and schools in Amsterdam. I don’t know that I’ll ever let those days outnumber the ones I usually have, the ones when I think, “I love my life.”